I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
