Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
