we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
