i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
