How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
well you can't waste a boner
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
