I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Randomize
