Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
pray to the hookup gods
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
