there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
