Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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