apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
