I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
