I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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