Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
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We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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