my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
