just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
