i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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