You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
