Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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