I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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