im drinking this country out of the recession.
I faked an abortion last night.
honey bunches of taint.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
