i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
