bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
please don't ironically join a cult
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