Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
