when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly