I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream