His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
