Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
