she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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