Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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