You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
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