ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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