What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
