In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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