I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
