if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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