Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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