worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
This toilet bowl is my home.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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