tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
