let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
