The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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