i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
