Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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