That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
