I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
