please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
