I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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