It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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