So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
