Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
