hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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