he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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