Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
