Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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