I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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