Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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