My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
