Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
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