I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
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So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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