True but thats because hes a fetus.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
