Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
