Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
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She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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