I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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