it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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