I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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