Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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