I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
