Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.