HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...