I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
