You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO