The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
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I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
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Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on