is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.