After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
