He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
