Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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